In March of 2008 I began a journey of re-learning what it means to trust God with the details of my life. I am a planner, and it seems as if my mind is always consumed with the next thing on my "To-Do" list. As my husband would say, "You just need to learn to shut your mind OFF!"
Like most couples, Aaron and I were beginning to discuss when we wanted to start a family. There are so many questions to ask; when, how many, how far apart, am I going to work???? The list goes on. I don't know why we think we can plan the details of our life! I fall short on a daily basis, of trusting God to orchestrate my life. In March I was convicted that I needed to just trust that God's timing was perfect. He was asking me to surrender MY plans and to trust COMPLETELY in His perfect plan. The following verse it what kept coming to my mind and heart:
Trust in the Lord with all of your heart and do not lean on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and He will make your paths straight.
-Proverbs 3:5-6
Needless to say, I have continued to learn trust throughout this pregnancy. I have learned that I don't have much control over the well-being and development of this little one. Yes, I can eat healthy and get exercise, but the rest is up to my creator. Just a few examples were at 12 weeks when we couldn't find the heart beat; at 20 weeks when most people have the big ultrasound when you can tell if there are abnormalities; measuring big since 20 weeks and therefore getting another ultrasound at 33 weeks to check for excess fluid or macrosomia (extra large baby) and now I have to trust that His timing for the arrival of this baby is perfect and that the details of the delivery go well. These may all seem small to some, but if you have ever been pregnant, it is so easy to worry about every detail of the miracle that moves inside of you. Not to mention, I see some of the most bizarre and high risk pregnancies on a daily basis at my job.
The journey of trust will continue as Aaron and I become parents and trust God for wisdom and guidance in parenting this little one. It seems like such a huge task, but I know that I don't need to lean on my own understanding.
Just a few thoughts from my heart.
